Church Capital "C" and Little "c"

 A little over a year ago I left my home church of 44 years. It was not an easy decision but after struggling with many issues and leadership for nearly two years over nuts and bolts, my departure became unavoidable. It was hard, harder than most things I've done in life. It was painful on many levels. It was devastating. 

To fully understand the impact of this event, let's start with my definition of a church. The Church, capital "C", centers primarily on the structure of fellow Christians who have agreed together to meet at a certain time and place to worship our common God Almighty. That is first and foremost. There is no other reason to gather together in such a manner except to worship Him. 

Any civic club can meet to do good in society. Students of any subject may gather at schools or private gatherings to read books and gain knowledge. And, certainly, our culture allows for public gatherings to enjoy music. None of these gatherings meets the needs of Christians who are gathering to worship God Almighty, so we should treasure our time together in worship and focus entirely on the One Who saves us.

So, perhaps, dear reader, you can see that worship integrity is very important to me. There are many churches with many worship styles. I will not comment much on that here except to say there is room at the table for many styles provided they are all exclusively focused on Jesus Christ. I played electric bass for many years in my church's contemporary worship group. For many years this group was run by a couple who were extremely conscious of the words to any given praise song when choosing material for our congregation. It didn't matter if they liked the tune or the group who made the tune popular. The words, the meaning, the focus were of primary importance. Let's be clear: there is no such thing as Christian music. There are only Christian words put to music. And while some musical styles may evoke a more worshipful experience than others, ultimately it's the words that matter. Worship integrity means using praise material that glorifies God exclusively and edifies the worshiper. Lose either one of those and it's not worship, it's just a clanging cymbal.

A secondary purpose of belonging to a church is being educated in what the Bible says both about God and about believers. Understanding God's character and His plan for human beings is crucial to our Christian walk. In many ways, our worship structure can be educational, so again, worship integrity matters greatly.

Third, we are commanded, as believers in Christ to make disciples of all nations. Circle back to education. Can't really talk about a God we don't even know, can we? So, evangelism is inextricably tied to both worship and education. If those two elements have integrity then our outreach will reflect that.

Finally, taking care of the widow, the orphan, the poor, and the fellow believers in our church family...these things should naturally flow out of the church as a response to everything laid out so far. It doesn't always happen that way, but it was the model we were given in Scripture.

What could go wrong? Well, as I've seen over the course of my Christian life so far, if emphasis is put on evangelism and/or missions over worship integrity, the church structure will eventually collapse. I've seen it happen more than once locally in churches affiliated with mine. These churches not only collapsed, they disappeared. It took a decade or more in some cases, but when the focus is not on worship integrity and Christian education followed by evangelism and missions, the people of the church very quickly fall into poor practices, mostly because they were not grounded in putting God first, or well-educated in their own belief system.

So, what happened to me? Let me cover the after-effects I listed in my first paragraph:

It was hard. For many years at my church I had served as a church musician playing both traditional and contemporary services. I believe that excellence is paramount because God deserves not only our best, but the best of those He has called to serve in that field. Not everyone can or should be a worship leader. Yes, there is a whiff of glamor in worship leading that attracts all kinds, but if you can't read music, if you can sing in tune, if you can't lead...you need to reevaluate whether God Himself is truly calling you to this service or it's just something you want to do for your own reasons. I'm convinced He will not call anyone that He will not fully equip to do the job at hand in a manner that edifies the particular church He's called them to. And yet, people will try to shoehorn themselves in to the worship ministry with nothing more than the overused excuse "I have a heart for the Lord" regardless of  their obvious lack of necessary skills. That's not how God does things. He wants our excellence, not our "good enough".

It was hard because others did not share my view of excellence. Not excellence in musicianship nor excellence in the songs we chose for worship. Too often in the contemporary group the music was chosen simply because it was popular on the radio even though the lyrics were pure Christianese gibberish or, worse, Scripturally questionable. I was told that "engagement" was more important. I suggested that if engagement was so important wasn't it even more important to engage people in truth...to which I received rolled eyes and no answer.

It was hard to leave my church because, as I described it to one elder who also happened to be a long-time friend, I felt as though I was engaged in a nasty divorce when one partner (me) was trying everything to save the marriage while the other partner (the church) had no interest in making it work and was just waiting 'til I'd had enough to leave. Three different, separate events pushed me to the break-up point over the course of two years:

One, when I expressed dismay over how our church had slowly abandoned caring for one another through well established ministries that, for whatever reason, were falling by the wayside -- whether it was caring via financial assistance, helping new mothers with meals, helping our elderly with any number of things, providing numerous Bible study options (we were down to something like three classes at that point from ten), organizing opportunities for fellowship and outreach, and other activities we once took pride and pleasure in to strengthen and bond our members together -- I was told by a long-time friend and devoted Christian that I should expect nothing from my church. I was saved. That should be enough. Now I had to focus on getting more people into our church. I should expect nothing in return. This friend, who was part of church leadership, also implied that I was weak and ungrateful to expect anything for myself from my church. His philosophy struck me as cold and ignorant.

A church is a community of believers. The book of Acts is pretty clear that we are to love and care for one another. If we are not doing that, then to what, exactly, am I bringing people if my job is simply to reel them in? If my own church says I should expect nothing, then what is the attraction of becoming a member of this cold and heartless group? Why would anyone want to belong to a church where nothing may be expected -- not friendship, not support, not anything. The answer is they wouldn't. In this I realized, I was no longer of one accord with my brother in Christ. His vision and version of church did not align in any way with my own.

Two, when I brought to the attention of both leadership and friends the slide away from worship integrity into what began to look a lot like chaos on Sunday mornings, I was told by leadership, "What do you mean? Everything is fine!" I was told this again and again even though I could point to specifics of what I was talking about and even though they often agreed that the things that were falling down could be improved. But ultimately it was a close friend who heaped an unkindness on me that cemented that I was no longer of one accord regarding worship. He said, "Well, you always did love your rituals." This unkind accusation was not only false it was the phrase that distilled what was wrong down to a simple concept. My church no longer valued worship integrity. It was more important to engage strangers and entertain the regulars than to worship God in Spirit and in truth. My friend did, to his credit, admit, "I shouldn't have said 'rituals'," but his intent was clear. I did not fit in at my church any longer.

Three and finally, leadership dismissed me from service without warning and without explanation. I will talk about that more in another post. I had long since stopped attending Bible study at my church for two simple reasons. The studies were either based on books by people I knew I did not align with or there were no studies at times I could attend, that's how few studies there were left. Our church used to value Bible study so much that we had studies nearly every night of the week and five times on Sundays, but those days were gone. Serving as a musician who helped to lead worship was my service to my church. It was something I'd done for over 40 years. By removing me from service, the last tie that held me to my church was broken. There was literally no reason for me to continue showing up at that location anymore.

It was painful. I couldn't believe I was being treated with such unkindness and disrespect. It's been a little over a year and I still have received no apology nor an explanation. This hurt very deeply. With the same carelessness and revulsion that one scrapes something annoying off the bottom of a shoe and walks on without looking back, I was removed and replaced. Words cannot express my astonishment and hurt. I was bewildered and treated abominably. In fact, the very people who brought this upon me tried to turn it around to make it my fault, but I will talk about that another time.

It was devastating. Talk about having the rug pulled out from under one's life! I had faithfully attended church my entire life. With only a brief period in my 20s when I was being stupid and did not attend church, my Sundays were spent with my spiritual family. Sunday wasn't Sunday without church. My week did not get off the ground without worshiping God on Sunday. So, to abruptly find myself kicked to the curb was very harmful. I felt as though I'd lost everything of value in my life and, truth be told, I mourn the loss still, but not with the same aching pain that was with me for the first few months after leaving. My life was turned upside down. And, because nothing would be gained by making a scene, there was almost no one I could talk to about it. After all, I was no longer of one accord with the people I'd called friend and family for over four decades. I did speak to select elders about what had taken place, and no one thought it was okay, but neither did they have a way for me to be restored to service and fellowship.

For two long years I tried to find accord. Ultimately, leadership at my church and even many of my friends, were not interested in finding accord with me. It was easier to dismiss my concerns. Sadly, while my story is unique to me, I wasn't the first to leave due to mismanagement and I wasn't the last. I'm tired now. This topic is exhausting even today. I will write more later. The story is not over.

Fear in a time of pandemic

It's been many years since I entered anything here. My ideas did NOT flow like I thought they would. Too often my "philosophical" thoughts were really just rants, and the world doesn't need more of that! Ha ha!

Anyway, I've been "sheltering" at home now for several weeks. No, I haven't been counting the days. It's irrelevant to me how long I've been deliberately, voluntarily staying at home. It doesn't make me any more or less of a sufferer than my fellow citizens who are also under the same restrictions. And it doesn't make me any more or less of a "hero" -- a word that is overused in our current society -- for staying home rather than going out. But the main thing I wanted to tackle today was "fear".

First off, I'm not afraid of COVID-19 even though I'm borderline in the "at risk" group by virtue of my age. A virus is a virus. It's a respecter of none. It sounds cynical and even silly to say, "If I get corona, I get corona," but that is the naked truth. Citizens were asked to "shelter at home" to "flatten the curve" so our healthcare facilities would not be overrun. We've done that. Now, in a not so subtle bait and switch we're being told we must stay home so that no one gets sick...which is unrealistic and ultimately counterproductive. That health officials, politicians, and our "news" media use fear to control citizens is nothing new. For many of us, however, such a method has never worked.

Some are trying to make this pandemic a referendum on social inequality. In a way, it truly is but not in the way most think. It has exposed the under-educated from the educated. I won't name names, but I know several people who are absolutely terrified. They aren't just sheltering in place. They are hunkered down in fear. They don't trust anything they're being told and they spend most of their time imagining the worst. Think doomsday preppers crossed with soccer moms -- that level of paranoia and self-righteous victim hood. I know these folks. They're not "bad" people, but they're not well-educated. There are readily apparent gaps in their world view, in their understanding of history, and in their understanding of their fellow man. And as I've watched and listened to the manner in which they choose to deal with the pandemic, I couldn't help noticing the vast gulf between their outlook and mine.

Education is vital. We all know this, but how strongly do we really feel about it? In a pandemic, where I may have to depend a bit more on my fellow man than usual, it becomes something very, very important. I don't need or want hysterical people around me who can't tell the difference between opinion and fact. People whose first response is always a knee-jerk emotional explosion rather than unemotional reason are a liability in scenarios like this. And it's not that I'm not feeling some emotion here about the pandemic, but I refuse to let it govern my actions. In as much as I'm able, it won't govern my mood either. I remain cheerful and optimistic because I must. To do anything less is to become a liability to everyone around me.

The fearful ones preach on social media about hand-washing, social distancing, disinfecting stuff, and scold anyone who doesn't do things as they preach it. They are guilty of pushing more misinformation than most because their fear won't allow them to rationally examine the information that comes their way. And the choices are not binary. But when you've not bothered to get educated, then everything becomes black and white. If one ponders what it might look like to reopen society then we are the ones who want to kill Grandma. If one suggests caution, then we are the ones who want to ruin our economy. It's exhausting listening to this kind of mindless drivel and, sadly, it's rather hard to avoid right now. And it's all driven by fear.

As an act of will, I choose not to be fearful. I go about my day. Yes, I wash my hands, observe social distancing, wear a mask when I do go out...these are simple, effective things I can do to protect myself and others. I go out only once per week first thing in the morning to go grocery shopping. My life in "isolation" really isn't much different from my life before the pandemic.  But the bottom line is I'm not even remotely afraid to go out. I'm not afraid that a creeping plague will overtake me. And if I do get sick, I'm not afraid of dying. Unpleasant as the exit may be, dying means going home for a Christian like me. I certainly don't relish the thought of dying to COVID-19 but I'm not going to live as if every moment of every day it may strike me down. That's just foolish...and wasteful.

Bottom line: humans are sometimes fearful, but we also have brains and the capacity for self-control. I hope I am using mine well. Sure, I've been accused of lacking empathy. No, I don't lack empathy, but if I actually care about you, I'll affirm your fear and then move on and try to help you master it so it doesn't master you. Those who strive for self-control are an asset. I want to be an asset.

If I give you a gift...

The Christmas season has always been one of my favorite holiday seasons. As a child it meant all kinds of whimsical things from flying reindeer and stockings that mysteriously filled with goodies overnight to keeping a glittering tree in the living room and keeping secrets about gifts. My mom would play special Christmas music at home, and radio stations and television shows did the same. Everyday it seemed like we baked a new Christmas goodie and the house was always full of good smells -- pine and cinnamon and peppermint. We visited family in Sebastopol and drove to Santa Rosa to see the brightly lit houses on "Candy Cane Lane". I could go on with Christmas reminiscences but I really wanted to talk about something else!

Christmas still remains a favorite season of mine. As I've gotten older I've enjoyed making and giving gifts more than receiving them myself. Part of this is because I am older and I've got just about everything I need! But part of it is because the pleasure of giving means more to me now than it did when I was a child. I still delight in the sparkling tree, the music, the baking, and getting together with family and friends. More than ever before I enjoy going to church during this season and hearing the good old story of Christ's birth once again. Having said all that...

If I give you a gift, I don't expect one back. I gave it to you because I wanted to. I wanted to because I like you and hope to make you smile. Or maybe I don't even know you but I hope to make you smile. You see, the world can be a really ugly place and genuine smiles are often few and far between. It makes me smile to think I might have made you smile. We can't have too many smiles.
Here's one --> ^_^

If I give you a gift, I'm not trying to impress you or buy your favor. My intention was not to make you think I'm generous or "good". I gave it to you because I thought of you and wanted to let you know. Okay, so maybe there are other people you'd rather have thinking about you but, if they don't, I did, and it may be a small thing but it is something. ;)

If I give you a gift, I know it's hard for some of you to say, "Thank you." And while I always appreciate thank yous -- they truly warm my heart -- I've learned not to expect them. I won't stop liking you if you don't say it but it would be nice...kind even. It's a lovely, simple phrase that expresses appreciation and gratitude without obligation to do anything further.

Now, if I do NOT give you a gift, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It doesn't mean I don't think of you. It could mean that I've given gifts to you many times before and never heard a peep in return, not even a cursory "I got the thing you sent", and don't wish to bother you anymore. But most likely it means I couldn't think of any "thing" you'd like more than just being friends. Or maybe I'm just waiting 'til I find the perfect gift; something that would really delight you or be truly useful to you. Okay...maybe I forgot. But I'm really good at apologizing and making up for things like that, you'll see!

In a modern and prosperous society I think gift-giving can lose much of its meaning and reason for being practiced at all. It certainly has lost its direction in many cases and, sadly, wrong motives are often attached to gift-giving even if the giver is honestly giving from the heart. With that in mind, I'd like to encourage you to graciously accept gifts at face value, cheerfully say "thank you", and continue on with your day. That "thank you", by the way, is a gift in itself!

In closing, here is some age-old wisdom and truth for you to consider and apply to your holiday season: the greatest gift is love. :)

Philosophy

A work in progress and something I've been thinking about doing for a long time. A little over a year ago I posted this in my online journal:

"As a 'lover of wisdom' I suppose I am a philosopher in many ways. I think everyone should be and I think, to some extent, everyone is now and then. It's pleasant to think that everyone would constantly try to love wisdom and put it into practice but, sadly, this isn't the case as we have witnessed each day of our lives. The reason this topic comes up today is that I've been reading The Victorians by A.N. Wilson...

The book deals primarily with dissecting the people, politics, and philosophies of the Victorian Era and demonstrating where we in the 21st century have glamorized and misunderstood those in the 19th century. I mean, just say 'Victorian' and most people think of gorgeous dresses a la My Fair Lady and stiff upper lips and stiff morals washed down with a brisk cup of tea! But the Victorians were very much like we are today and faced many of the same social issues that threaten to upset our culture even now. I won't go into all of them but in it's own way it's kind of relieving to know that all the nonsense, especially on the political and social fronts, has happened before. Our ancestors survived their own cultural upheavals and we will too.

What struck me as I read the most recent chapter were the books on philosophy that were written at the time. Some of those philosophers are still cited today. Many of them were not formally educated men. They simply had some ideas, the motivation to write them down, and the means to get them published for public consumption. They were then hailed or reviled by the public and their words passed into history. This has inspired me to begin writing my own book of philosophy... I'd like to take specific topics and write short essays on them, collect them together, and call it a book. This actually sounds fun to me! Society has turned on a dime in many cases because of the writing of men with no education who fancy themselves 'philosophers', why not on the writing of a middle-aged housewife with some education who is also a 'lover of wisdom'? :D"

I would only add to those seminal thoughts that I'm not really looking to become the next great philosopher but rather I look forward to the challenge of articulating my own philosophical ideas for myself first and then for my children. If my thoughts resonate with others, very good. If not, that's okay too, but I believe it's important to know "why" I think the way I do. I think it's important for everyone, actually, because so many folks go through life blown by the winds of pop culture, never knowing "why" they think or do anything, and perhaps that will be one of the first philosophical ideas I tackle, but not now.

So, my ego is certainly engaged in that I think my thoughts are important -- important to me. It's always pleasant to find others who agree with me but that is not the goal here. The goal is simply to articulate and explore the "why" of life, and this is one place I'm choosing to do that.